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Questions to ponder

February 9, 2007

I just love these:

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If you are driving at the speed of light, what happens when you turn your headlights on?

What is the speed of dark?

Since she won’t live forever, why give her a diamond?

What do you do after you step on a tetanus needle?

How do they get teflon to stick to the pan?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

How can you “Watch your head”?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

When you’re sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM’s?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

What’s another word for Thesaurus?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How can there be self-help groups?

Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship,
its called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead.”?

Shouldn’t it be some things in moderation?

If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?

Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?  Shouldn’t it be a near hit?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why does the word “monosyllabic” have so many syllables?

Why is it that when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open it’s not adoor?

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why is it that lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dish washing liquid contains real lemons?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?

How do a fool and his money get together in the first place?

How can someone “draw a blank”?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If the universe is everything and the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling “Movie! Movie”?

Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

How can something “turn up missing?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only
endangered plants?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?

What color do smurfs turn when they choke?

If you try to fail, but instead you succeed, have you failed or succeeded?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?

Why is it that doctors and lawyers have to “practice”?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can you freeze anti-freeze?

If you only have one eye, can you still get double vision?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Do blonds really know that they have more fun?

If you “expect the unexpected”, wouldn’t the unexpected be the expected?

Do blind people have dreams?  If so, how do they know what they are seeing?

Who took the bite out of the Apple Computer logo?

Why did AT&T say “reach out and touch somebody” when you really can’t do that over the phone?

Why do teachers need answer books?

If “practice makes perfect” and “no one is perfect”, why bother?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

A stitch in time saves nine what?

Sexual harassment at work – is it a problem for the self employed?

Can fat people go “skinny dipping”?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do vampires get AIDS?

Do witches run spell checkers?

Does killing time damage eternity?

How do you get off a nonstop flight?

Just how long is the long arm of the law?

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it also reverse up and down?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If all the world is a stage, then where is the audience sitting?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

If cats and dogs didn’t have fur, would we still pet them?

If everything is part of a whole, what is a whole part of?

If you melt dry ice, can you take a bath without getting wet?

If no one cares that Jimmy cracks corn, then why is there a song about him?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you spin an Oriental person around several times, does he become disoriented?

If you’re a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?

Is “tired old cliché” one?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

What do you say when you’re talking to God and he sneezes?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Why are highways built so close to the ground?

Why aren’t there ever any guilty bystanders?

Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”?

Why can’t we tickle ourselves?

Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?

Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why are there flotation devices under airline seats instead of parachutes?

Why is it called rush hour when traffic is slowest?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

If all is not lost, where is it?

Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished?  Shouldn’t they be called builts?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

Why do we say something is out of whack?  What’s in whack?

Why do we call it a hot water heater?

When searching for a word for the fear of long words, why did they come up with Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophibia?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. jo baldwin permalink
    March 2, 2009 9:56 am

    Whilst pondered in jest, some are quite profound and worthy of philosphical discussion. Yeah, that too. HA!

  2. February 26, 2009 3:37 pm

    Oh gawd Mags,

    I had to stop reading these – I had tears rolling down my face!
    We’re both hopeless… 😉

    – kDavid

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